Sunday, April 19, 2009

Standing in My Own Way of Finishing

I had a grand plan for this weekend. I was going to pore over my thesis, I was going to finish (or nearly finish) the whole thing, and turn in a complete draft to the advisor this week. I was going to glue myself to my laptop, keep a snack nearby, and really truly apply myself. Because I know I can accomplish some incredible stuff when I am being productive.

But I couldn't make myself do it.

I don't know why. I keep thinking about all that I have to do BESIDES writing thesis - the last few experiments to answer nagging questions, studying for the test I have on Thursday, studying for quals, keeping up with Treasurer duties for the student club I'm an officer in, keeping up with hall councilor duties for my dorm floor. And I just feel overwhelmed. Plus my home had gone to pieces, with laundry everywhere and dishes in the sink, and flowers that needed re-potting, and floors and the bathroom that needed cleaning.

I feel like I have so much to do, that all I can really do is take a nap.

Does anybody else feel this way? When you have too many things on your to-do list, you just quit?

And so this weekend I slept, I did all the housework (yay clean clothes and clean home), I took a walk around downtown. The weather was gorgeous, and it just made me happy to breathe again.

I went to dinner with a bunch of girls tonight - we had a potluck, I brought sweet potatoes with pecans and coconut. Trust me, it's delicious.

And it's now 10pm on Sunday night, I feel fantastic, I'm sitting on clean sheets, and my window is thrown open to the gentle breeze. But I feel like I quit. Because I made absolutely zero progress on school or research-related things.

I do my very best to keep my life balanced, to take care of myself and to keep a healthy perspective on school. But that is all well and good AS LONG AS the school is going well. Is it still okay to take time to smell the roses when graduating is on the line?

So I psyched myself out of being productive this weekend. And I'm going to have to pay dearly for it this week to make up for it, I'm sure. I could have gotten a major chunk of work done, and I didn't, and it's completely my own fault for not being able to focus. And being productive almost certainly would have been more important than me having warm fuzzies over a clean home.

But shoot, I'm chomping on a brownie, it's hard to feel too bad. :)


  1. I totally feel like that. I wish I could stop time like Evie in Out of This World in order to get more done when too many things pile up at once.

    I also get extra sleepy when I'm dealing with the stress of too many things and not enough time.

  2. I do the same thing, which is probably why I am taking the summer to finish my thesis. I once took a personality test - at math camp - that said I deal with stress by tuning out, which is contrary to my normal Type A personality. You might be sort of the same.