tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8481001930714468704.post128467537517516192..comments2023-09-07T09:52:36.041-04:00Comments on Life As An Outlier: LonelyMiss Outlierhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01554916486302075437noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8481001930714468704.post-73340580956932979002009-02-09T21:43:00.000-05:002009-02-09T21:43:00.000-05:00Given some things you have mentioned, I strongly s...Given some things you have mentioned, I strongly suspect that you're at the same institution I'm postdoc'ing at. If so -- our institute has far more in the way of graduate student community than I've seen anywhere else. There's lots of non-academic activity, and many of the student clubs have more grad students than undergrads. I think there's even grad students on the sports teams?<BR/><BR/>That said, for friends-I-can-call-at-any-hour, I'm still relying on people I've known since before I came here. (Who are sadly in other states.)<BR/><BR/>P.S. Trying to post this has been giving Firefox fits. Not sure why.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8481001930714468704.post-6013166186046331502009-02-09T11:11:00.000-05:002009-02-09T11:11:00.000-05:00This can be so hard to do, I know. Esp. as an acad...This can be so hard to do, I know. Esp. as an academic who moves around. I have yet to find a good girlfriend here despite being here for over a year now. <BR/><BR/>My 'anytime' friend from Grad School happened to be in one of my random classes. I spoke with her after class one day, and thought to myself, she would be a great friend. As much as it pained me to do it (due to fear of rejection), I decided to put myself out there and 'pursue' her. Asked her for coffee, etc, and it went from there. The tough thing too is that it can take 6-12 months to really develop a good friendship. <BR/><BR/>Involve yourself in extracurricular activities, and when you meet someone you think has friend potential, I'd actually recommend actively pursuing them. It seems like it shouldn't take so much work, but it does.Candid Engineerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01722793931639972423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8481001930714468704.post-21611482718979109982009-02-08T21:10:00.000-05:002009-02-08T21:10:00.000-05:00Extra-curricular project (or activities) are what ...Extra-curricular project (or activities) are what worked for me. I found a good friends many years ago and our friendship is still going strong despite being in different cities now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8481001930714468704.post-33326636919541469482009-02-08T20:28:00.000-05:002009-02-08T20:28:00.000-05:00Excellent suggestions, thank you! I actually just ...Excellent suggestions, thank you! I actually just started thinking about housing for next year, so I'll keep an ear open.Miss Outlierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01554916486302075437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8481001930714468704.post-82574505701780800962009-02-08T19:53:00.000-05:002009-02-08T19:53:00.000-05:00Look at it the same way you’d look for a boy- shar...Look at it the same way you’d look for a boy- shared interests and all that. Church groups, sports, hobbies and all that kinda thing. You’ll eventually run into someone. I second the shared living thing, one of the people I was close to down here was in the residence halls with me, and she and I went out flatting for the entire time she was down here.davejachttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04515949819108183577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8481001930714468704.post-16273955643701194292009-02-08T19:45:00.000-05:002009-02-08T19:45:00.000-05:00Mostly people I know from high school and the extr...Mostly people I know from high school and the extra-curriculars. After HS I dropped the volunteer stuff out of my life, wanting to focus on school and a "social life", but I found that most other people engaging in a social life were, well, social butterflies who I didn't have a lot in common with.<BR/><BR/>So I returned to the extra-curricular activities. For me that involves volunteering with a local fabricator/craftperson/artisan's collective to get their fabrication facilities up and running and do stuff around the building; from that volunteer gig I've made at least two solid friends who I not only think are great people but who also argue ideology with me.<BR/><BR/>Another thing that I do to keep myself out of the trap of loneliness is to live with other people. I rent a room in a house that someone else is responsible for, and when I was choosing my habitat I screened my potential roommates very carefully - basically looking for people I got a good vibe off of. Just living with other people can be a great way to a) save money and b) get to know people very well. But I also recognize that cohabitation isn't everyone's cup o' tea.<BR/><BR/>My basic strategy is to find people who notice and laugh at my side comments and conversational digressions and make an effort to be their friend. Because nobody will reach out and be *your* friend unless you reach out to be *their* friend first. Small, handmade joke-gifts are a great way to kick-start a friendship, as they establish a rapport by saying (without words): "You occupy my thoughts even when we're not together, and I had an opportunity to make your life a little more pleasant and I took it. Enjoy!"<BR/><BR/>Hope this makes some sense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com